The lost art of keeping a secret

Why am I such a bloody moody cow all the time? I think I expect too much of people.. Plus my hormones are flying all over the place, poor little things. They don't know what to do with themselves.

What a terribly long time. I feel I've been neglecting my creativity, and for what? Exams? Doubtful. Nights out? Possible. Sheer lack of intrest? Probable.
I found myself thinking "what on earth is the point in this?". Maybe to remember all the things that i don't want to forget, but its incredibly hard to write an online log of events coherently.

Nothing major and life changing has happened recently, I don't think. But I hate not remembering. I seriously CANNOT remember what's happened since November :|
umm...numerous nights out, alcohol induced vomiting in toilets of nightclubs in leeds, 15 year old stalkers, catface, i have a car. Things are just drifting a long, and if i don't write them down anywhere, none of them are so important I'll remember them. That's sad.


I might as well write about something i do remember, so last night. Saw catface and co. That was unfortunate. Why do I find myself forming these unrealistc attachments to males that can only be described as "incompatible". (well, perhaps not the only way to describe said males, perhaps the more conventional discription, rather than 'time-wasting-good-for-nothing-man-whores'. ha.) I wish i was oozing with literary genious, which is why I've decided to read more, even if this does somewhat take time away from my studies. I want to have a range of language that I can release on demand. Instead of generic descriptions that could quite easily be crafted by a twelve year old.

I digress.

Why do I form these unrealistic attachments?
It didn't help that he was there either. With my wonderful whore of a friend, following his every move. Watching, waiting, talking politely and laughing in all the right places, for what? What does she gain from this? Satisfaction of knowing that she's better than me? Heaven forbid she should actually do anything to try and actively show this, to make me feel inferior and whatnot. WHY on earth am I continually overshadowed by her presence. Eurgh. I hate that.
What sort of friendship is this?

Honesty is the best policy? I wouldn't say I'm doshonest, really. I just tend to not tell the whole truth, and I'm a complete bitch about her. Can you blame me though, honestly?

Anyway, back to our little feline friend. Is that terrible? I don't know.
I doubt I'd mind so much having not spent our first meeting talking for hours on a sofa with alcohol at hand. It was a good night anyway, we spoke again and he didn't feel my bellybar this time, jsut got a few people feeling my bum everytime they walk past. I wouldn't mind if they weren't so...undesirable. I spoke to the other one aswell. Turns out I'm not over it, having seen him again. Oh dear me. I have issues. We were talking but in the way that suggested nothing was to happen. :|

Tiff turned up :), i greeted him slightly over-enthusiasticly, I will for now, blame the alcohol, and drinking a pint through a straw; that ACTUALLY made me want to throw up.
I've lost my flow of thought. Might find it again later.


Hungover and writing a blog. What a way to spend a saturday. x

I've jsut been reading some of my old blogs (haha) and I don't remember changing. Particularly.
Reading them i actually sound so much more...i dont know...sure of myself or something? Personable. Don't get me wrong I'm still personable! I seem to get on with a lot more people now than i did last year, but I don't know, when did i change? I'm sure people change for the better, I'm quite sure I must've changed for the better or else why would i have changed at all?
I probably spend a lot less time writing on these internet blog things now haha. which has got to be a good thing.
I just hope i havent lost some personality along the way. x

Pretty happy about this, sadly, my UCAS application has to be in on friday so ive not got much time for much else other than "web based research" (i.e. trying to work out what to write on the form!) urgh.
I want to go to hull york medical school, that'd be good. Since they do PBL n stuff I think it'd suit me. All of a sudden I've got this passion for things back, I actually think my saturday volunteering has helped. I was really excited to find out that I might actually be going on the wards next week. haha, I dunno whether that's sad or whatever, but I think I'd enjoy it...

Great nigth last friday.

Things are good :) x

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	abi
Birthday:	6th july.
Birthplace:	dewsbury hospital!
Current Location:	thornhill, but considering not everyone knows where thornhill is cos apparently its far away from everything n that...dewsbury.
Eye Color:	blue...ish
Hair Color:	at the moment. brownish redish (its "auburn" not ginger! idiot.) and purple.
Height:	5 foot 5...i think... maybe 5'6?
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	british.. except i found out my great grandmas mum was irish tother day. fantastic.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	erm, black ones.
Your Weakness:	spending too much money on pointless crap i dont really need, e.g. ear piercing i take out the next day, bottled water cos its on offer in boots, subways when im not even hungry...
Your Fears:	spiders, people touching my wrists (awful!)
Your Perfect Pizza:	stuffed crust
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	errrm. like 3As and a B int a-levels, and actually pass my driving test.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	lol or haha, im a happy person...
Thoughts First Waking Up:	oh dear 6th form in a bit.
Your Best Physical Feature:	nah
Your Bedtime:	whenever.
Your Most Missed Memory:	year 7!
Pepsi or Coke:	pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	burger king
Single or Group Dates:	depends...
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	nah, just tetleys.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate!
Cappuccino or Coffee:	thats like saying dairy milk or chocolate.
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	yes
Do you Sing:	badly
Do you Shower Daily:	baths!
Have you Been in Love:	erm..
Do you want to go to College:	well...yeh...
Do you want to get Married:	probably.
Do you belive in yourself:	sometimes?
Do you get Motion Sickness:	yes! bad memories...
Do you think you are Attractive:
Are you a Health Freak:	noo
Do you get along with your Parents:	usually...
Do you like Thunderstorms:	im not right bothered
Do you play an Instrument:	yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	well, medical ones.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	errrrrr sort of.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yeh
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	yeh
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yes..im a terrible drunk...when will i learn?
Ever been called a Tease:	err...no
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	accidentally stole a cream egg once. accidentally.
How do you want to Die:	painlessly, happily.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	no idea.
What country would you most like to Visit:	no idea
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	erm...not too fussed
Favourite Hair Color:	browwwwn
Short or Long Hair:	not too short, not too long..
Height:	see above
Weight:	im not overly bothered, as long as their boobs arent bigger than mine...obviously.
Best Clothing Style:	kinda...normal..
Number of Drugs I have taken:	purely non-medical?
Number of CDs I own:	no idea, a few...
Number of Piercings:	6
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	lol a couple of things i probably would think twice about doing again, but im living n learning ha.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

BORED. I've not got any homework or anything yet, only had one lesson today, walked down and up the big hill into hecky about 5 times in my frees 8). im toning... x x x

lol its not good fixating your attention on one person is it? haha funny though. especially when they look a bit like a hamster... cute though. i do not believe i am saying this. this is not good! lol

i blame shingles. im being quanranteened or something. for the next 3 weeks. bastards. gives me too much time to myself to think.

WHAT am i going to do? its such a long time.. :/ x x

I don't think I care about that anymore, which is nice. I've spent all morning watching on demand tv, eating toast, drinking water and cups of tea (half a sugar).

HOWEVER, I've been left alone with new puppy, who doesn't like to piss outside, but waits til im getting dressed/making toast to piss all over the carpet.
AND I have a very unexpected (2 weeks early) painful period. Oh dear.

I am not amused? Correct.

x

My windows media player IS NOT WORKING. twat.
I'm not OVERLY bothered. Luckily I have a new hoody which is the comfiest thing in the world. and i have been bought the best wellies you could ever imagine. ever. and some big comfy socks. blue ones. larvely :).

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds fest.

:) x

I feel sick

I have the best driving instructor. ever.